Hey, welcome back to my series on the friends zone. If you missed part 1 of this article you can read it here. Okay, so in the last installment we covered why guys get stuck in the friends zone in the first place. Now, let’s look at how to get yourself out.
This is something that guys make more complicated than it needs to be, because they don’t want to face facts. Instead they would rather stay in their little “safety zones” where they can just hang around the chick that they have a crush on platonically, and dream about their relationship somehow morphing into something more.
I’m not blaming guys for doing this, I’ve done it too. But it’s a problem that needs to be addressed… So what do ya do?
First: DO NOT TELL HER YOU LOVE HER!!!
Hopefully you haven’t already done this and made some grand romantic gesture/announcement of your feelings. This is never a good idea. Even if she did like you back, this would make her feel very uncomfortable. Making a big show of telling her that you like her will just force her to make a decision, and if you are reading this… I hate to break it to you, but she most likely is NOT interested in dating you… yet.
Plus, she already knows that you like her. Yeah, she does. Women can tell. You aren’t fooling anybody.
Here’s what you do instead…
First, you need to see if she is down to be more than friends. Like I said, she already knows that you like her, but there are a couple plausible explanations for why things have not yet gone to the next level yet. Either she is shy herself, or she is just not attracted to you.
There are a couple of ways to determine this… The easiest is just to look back and see if there were any obvious signs that she was giving you that she isn’t attracted. For instance, does she:
- Call you up for long “gab sessions” on the phone, or take you shopping with her?
- Talk about other guys that she is dating?
- Tell you that she is so glad that you are ‘friends” or how you are just like a ‘brother”?
- Ask you why she can’t meet a cool guy, or tell you that you’ll make some other girl very happy.
If a girl is doing any of these she sees you purely as a friend and is making it clear that she wants things to stay that way. But. if she isn’t doing these things then there is still a chance that she’ll be down with dating/hooking up with you.
If you think that there may be a chance, get her to hang out with you alone just the two of you in a situation where things could potentially get sexual. For instance you might want to invite her to your place or go out to a quiet romantic bar. Then you flirt with her, gaze into her eyes, hold her hand, stroke her hair, etc… This should get you your answer one way or the other.
Obviously if she responds well you are all good. If she responds poorly, of it you realized that she has been sending you signs that she is not interested then do this:
- Stop hanging around her for a while – hanging around a girl you like who doesn’t like you back is pathetic and masochistic. Don’t do that to yourself! You deserve to hang around with women who do like you, and not to mention the fact that this is ESSENTIAL if you want to get her to see you as more than a friend. The fact is, a woman cannot respect a man who is willing to follow her around like a sad puppy, and she won’t date a guy she doesn’t respect as a man.
- Date other women and let her find out – Women are naturally attracted to men who other women are attracted to. Some call it pre-selection, others call it social proof, but it’s a fact of life. When she finds out that her old friend (you) is dating other women, perhaps other women that she knows she will begin to look at you differently. If you are thinking that dating other women is hard, then that is a separate issue that you need to address, but the fact is that it’s not as hard as you think. This video has some good ideas to get you going in the right direction.
- Give yourself a makeover – It may sound girly, but this can help a lot. The fact is that your “friend” got used to you looking a certain way… A way that didn’t really do it for her. Looks aren’t everything, but if your look had made her hot she probably would’ve hooked up with you, since you were already friendly, right? See the logic here? So since you are already taking a break from hanging around with her you should take the opportunity to improve your look via tanning, gym, new clothes, better haircut etc… I’d say that there is probably a 99.9% chance that you weren’t doing all that you could up until now to look good.
- Treat her different – when you finally do see your female “friend” again after your break from her, don’t go back to doing what you used to do when you were in the friend zone with her. After all, it didn’t work out too well the first time around now did it? Instead, quit being so “nice”. It’s okay to tease her, flirt with her, and even compliment her, but if you are going to say nice things make sure to do it with a good dose of sexuality mixed into it. Basically let her know that you are not that guy who is going to be her gal-pal. You are not a pathetic chump who will hang around a chick he likes platonically because you have better things to do with your time, like dating other women… You are looking good and you are rolling with other chicks. But – if she wants to smarten up and get with the program then you’ll give her another shot. That’s the mentality that you need to have.
In the end, she may or may not change her mind about you, and it may take a little while. But, this is really all that you can do. There’s no magic bullet, magic pill or anything magic that you can do to get out of the friends zone with a girl. But if you follow these 4 steps then at least you can feel good about the fact that you gave it your best shot and you did all that you could.
Here’s Part III where I discuss the moves that you need to take when you first meet a girl, to ensure that you don’t get stuck in the friends zone with her.
You might also enjoy this post I wrote about flirting with girls.
